I agree with Aaron's contempt for Sedgwick's comparison of the gay community coming out of their closet to Eshter's revelation to Ahaseurus that she was Jewish. Revealing to one's spouse that you are gay is an inherent contradiction to the unity of that relationship. Although you might still be good friends, things are just not going to work out. Revealing oneself to their spouse that they are Jewish might be discomforting to some, but it may not throw the entire marriage into mayhem. The marriage can still exist and continue to function, the kids might get confused about what religion (if any) they are supposed to follow, but nevertheless the relationship can remain healthy. Also, if Jew's want to raise their "little girls" in predefined gender roles, that is something that they have a right to and should not be mocked. If she had a problem with that (which she apparently did with the Queens Esther costume on Purim) she should leave it to herself.